post2am

the year that goes by

2007-07-24T00:19:00.000-07:00

6 months. 180 days. 4320 hours. 259200 minutes.
its been that long. and its been that quick.
it had moments i thought would never end, and times i didnt ever want to end.
it made me more me, though some may beg to differ.
it made a new me. though some may not agree.
in the course of 2007, july is coming to an end in 7 days.
i dont want time to fly, but sometimes-
i want it to run like the wind so i can find myself in december.
it will be different - the twosome instead of the one-
and i absolutely cant wait.

re-awakening

2007-01-15T02:51:00.000-08:00

You have a group of friends, and you love that group. Each individual in that group has a role to play in your life. You wish and hope the group always remains, as it is. The idea of change seems almost scary-like you will lose your focus. What will you do? Then the dreaded change happens. Some of you evolve, revolve and move off onto another path. Some become part of a twosome and the dynamics change. Some of you stay, feeling lost and reaching out in the dark for something familiar to grab onto. Each of you has unwittingly gone down a road which takes you farther away from each other. You cry-nothing will ever be the same.

Slowly you learn to pick up the pieces, and tread on, walking, running.

Then there comes a new day- you wake up to a day of clarity. When you look around you see that some of you stuck it out together in the dark and those are the people you find you were holding onto while you waited for the night to end. Slowly you come to realize that some of you who didn’t make it were the ones whose future was not linked to yours- those who didn’t need you, were the ones who left. Out of the fog a few new faces appear, maybe they were always there, maybe they just joined in for the journey- it doesn’t matter. They were there for the worst and you know in your heart of hearts they are here to stay.

So what you see around you is a new group, made up of some old faces & some new, but most importantly in the new faces you see such knowledge of you that you stop for a second. You wonder how you didn’t see this before and you do a silent prayer that you saw it before it was too late. The group has changed but so have you.

sometimes

2006-09-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

sometimes i dont know what i know,
sometimes i dont say what i feel.
sometimes i love without reality,
sometimes the reality is not love.
sometimes i want to be powerful,
sometimes the power leaves me weak.
sometimes i cant go on,
sometimes i just have to.
sometimes madness takes control,
sometimes the lack of control makes me mad.
sometimes its just so simple,
but sometimes it simply isnt true.

Jammie tagged me

2006-09-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

I am thinking what a wonderful world it could be
I said i think this could work
I want to dance with abandon to the cheapest indian song possible
I wish i could be as productive creatively as i aim to be
I miss the hotel suite in manila
I hear the sound of rain and i think its the best sound in the whole wide world
I wonder what my employees think about me
I regret not being more of a bitch in my past relationships
I am retarded (after 2am)
I dance with my heels off the ground
I sing along in a deep tone even when its lata singing
I cry watching even the stupidest melodramatic indian movies
I am not as composed as i like to believe i am
I write very sporadically
I confuse my youngest sister-she doesnt understand why i feel the need to jump up and dance at every possible moment
I need to start yoga again
I should stop myself from overdosing on cheese cake
I finish every book i start

blogword of the day- decisions

2006-09-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

"every human heartbeat, is a universe of possibilities. and it seemed to me that i finally understood what he meant. he'd been trying to tell me that every human will has the power to transform its fate. i'd always thought that fate was something unchangeable:fixed for everyone of us at birth, and as constant as the circuit of stars. but i suddenly realized that life is stranger and more beautiful than that. the truth is that, no matter what kind of game you find yourself in, no matter how good or bad the luck is, you can change your life completely with a single thought or a single act of love."

shantaram.

blogword of the day- end

2006-08-31T04:32:00.000-07:00

the end of femininity?

we

2006-08-13T10:25:00.000-07:00

"after changes upon changes, we are more or less the same-"

paul simon lyrics

nugget from O

2006-08-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

"There are no right answers. But there is a right question.
it's the one that rubs up against our self-righteousness, resistance and fears... when you ask yourself, 'why not?'
you may find yourself in motion, across a vivid landscape, over impossible mountains and beyond the water's edge, where you surprise yourself, once and for all, by getting wet."

karen maezen miller in momma zen

postcards from faisalabad

2006-08-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

postcard from multan

2006-08-08T14:53:00.000-07:00

blogword of the day- rain

2006-08-03T02:17:00.000-07:00

when it pours, my windows become foggy & smudgy-the kind where you can make hearts and write out your name with your finger-the wild money plant which has completely taken over my window starts becoming hazy-
if i sit right next to it, its like having my own impressionistic painting to stare at.

about me

2006-08-02T00:13:00.000-07:00

"if i think from the heart nearly everything works;
if from the head, almost nothing."

marc chagall (with a word change)

smudgy rain

2006-08-02T00:05:00.000-07:00

mainly rain

2006-07-31T06:52:00.000-07:00

raining

2006-07-30T23:14:00.000-07:00

enchanting cities

2006-07-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

"every evening the balconies of urban lebanon are full of people, sitting out under the night's stars perhaps smoking an Argeeley or water pipe, drinking coffee, and maybe even playing cards. You're never alone here. Your landscape is made up people. Your family on the balcony, your neighbours on theirs, the vendor selling roasted peanuts for 500 liras downstairs, and the church bells and muezzine calling the faithful together across the street.

there is no highway in all of lebanon from which you cant see the sea as you drive. The roads and buildings are built looking out on the water; you'll never have to turn your back to it...
there is so much more of lebanon to show you so that you will know why people are staying here to fight and even to die. how do i describe to you the lebanon of my memory?

the pebble beach at Baarbara where sweet and salty water mixes together, the result of freshwater springs hidden under the rocky terrain of the sea.
the hustle and bustle of downtown beirut, the corniche where you can buy hot thimbles of Arabic coffee, the surprise when you discover there is valet parking at Mc donalds ( I swear its true).
the falafel sandwiches at Abu Andre's in tripoli. the baklava at the Hallab Patisserie, in business since 1881.

the winding roads of Byblos.
the caves of Jeita.
the smell of the Cedar Forests.

the lebanese drivers, who when they are not trying to kill you with their stunt-like driving, are stopping to help you with directions.
the palm readers at the beach in Tyre...

and there is more, there is so much more.
why would a people who have everything to lose, risk it all?
for me it is because the lebanon of my memory is definitely worth fighting for."

lebanon diary-fatima bhutto 26th july 2006, the news

wednesday wanderings: believe

2006-07-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

i believe
i lost my virginity today-

i dont believe i will be making it a habit-

realizations

2006-07-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

do you think you can reach a point where everything blurs into one- each definiton gets undefined, and it becomes impossible to distinguish your own feelings? there seems to be a phase of some sort where the old becomes redundant but the new doesnt apply yet-where you seem to be stuck in a confusion of your own making. you swing between absolute certainty and vague unsure-ness. the moments in between surprise you with their brilliance, but do you give them their due importance?

sometimes the easiest thing to do is to say i want to do this-
sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to say i want to do this.

observations no. 3425

2006-07-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

spotted-

a woman at aylanto with the mobile stuck to her ear, talking loudly to her driver-daughter-friend with the mobile on loudspeaker-so everyone at aylanto hears her side as well as the person on the other side. she however doesnt seem to notice that there is a voice blaring out of the speaker-her hand remains firmly pressed against the mobile holding it to her ear.

realized-

how pointless wedding functions are, and how utterly useless they seem to everyone present

discovered-

myself in ways i had forgotten for a while

a circle of love

2006-07-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

go on

2006-07-12T01:22:00.000-07:00

you can have all the faith in the whole wide world, and that still doesnt save you from those moments of doubt and insecurity when it just doesnt seem like everything happens for a reason, when there is no credibility in all good things come to he who waits, and when there is absolutely nothing to stop you from becoming cynical.

in those times, you know god has a plan for you, but you dont want to acknowledge it- you want to be an irrational child, you want to throw a temper tantrum and just be a spoilt brat, and god help the supportive friend who tries to tell you it will work out.

happily i must report i dont seem to be in the above mentioned state of mind- which is why when i read this quote on a blog, i just had to post it-

"As you continue, which you will do, the way to proceed will become apparent." ~John Cage

i like this line so much more because of its simple honesty. there is no dramatic vagueness to it. it is just so simple. just breathe-one breath at a time- walk- one step at a time- live- one day at a time- go one doing what you do- and then let the rest happen on its own.

wednesday wanderings: enough

2006-07-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

sometimes...

an evening of comfortable nothingness-
a moment or two of non-thinkiness-
a blurring of a boundary or a definition-
the easy peasy ability to yawn & stretch-
a look which needs no words-
just knowing what you know-
letting go one inch at a time-
trying to put away excess baggage-
going a step closer to being who you are-

is enough.

i think

2006-06-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

maybe i am not as cool as i think- just maybe i cant resolve everything-and maybe i am too burnt to go near the fire. maybe, just maybe.

wednesday wanderings- blogword: Two

2006-06-21T16:07:00.000-07:00

when we were children, we played games for hours and hours- we wouldnt stop or take a break till, in fear of being caught, we would shout- two times! which would automatically signal to the gang that for those few moments, we were unapproachable- we needed time out- we had to be given space- in those moments none of the rules applied-we just took it as it came- either sat down breathing heavily, or just stood around relaxed because we knew no one could touch us. None of the gang gave us a hard time for it, no one questioned it, and absolutely no one held it against us. it was a ritual religiously followed and accepted.

Grown up now and acknowledging that the games are over, the one thing i miss is being able to stop in the middle of the worst of situations, the most horrible of binds and shout out -
TWO TIMES! and know that everyone will move back and i will be given my space to BE, for as long as i want.

permission

2006-06-19T02:57:00.000-07:00

we always talk about our right to do exactly what we want- we always talk about allowing ourselves to do things
what about things we should disallow ourselves?

alchemy

2006-06-16T00:17:00.000-07:00

love and desire. to question them is to question life.

10 things to do at 5 30 am-

2006-06-08T06:26:00.000-07:00

1. listen to the birds chirping
2. watch the sky become blue-black
3. have halwa puri
4. go for a walk barefoot on the grass
5. drink a tall glass of water
6. go to the beach
7. be the first person to read the newspaper
8. fall asleep
9. continue working
10. take a flight to lahore

Number 10 is what i plan to do tonight.

tower escapades

2006-05-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

spent an interesting couple of hours at park towers today-

i observed-

1. 3 guys & a girl at mantra- all of 19 years old- disussing what the girl should buy- a very detailed concentrated argument ensued over which item would suit her the best- one guy thought her waist was her best feature so the shirt must show that off- the other guy disagreed saying that particular shirt looked like lingerie- to which all the guys snickered and looked even more pimply & pubescent.

2. different lives at different tables in mcdonalds- each table had a story to tell, like the man reading out headlines from the newspaper while his wife devoured her mc flurry. or like the young couple at another table shyly gazing into each other's eyes, and coyly eating their fries & burgers. sentimental indian music set an emotional, nostalgic mood

3. 2 elderly women at maria b- holding up lawn prints close to their faces, unable to believe why maria b should a. make lawn. and b. make lawn which looked just like classic or farooq lawn.

4. a woman at liberty who at one glance i boxed, and then had to shamefacedly unbox when she spoke in perfect english to her daughter and explained the merits & demerits of the books she had chosen- and why she should pick a certain one.

i bought-from liberty

1. shantaram- gregory roberts
2. the alchemy of desire- tarun tejpal
3. open house- elizabeth berg
4. birthday stories- haruki marukumi
5. glamour

hours well spent-

here it is-

2006-05-30T07:28:00.000-07:00

Here’s to dreaming- dreaming of mcdreamy, of men who make you swoon,

Here’s to wishing- wishing for someone who will dance with you- with abandon,

Here’s to hoping- hoping for superficial things, a great sense of style, an amazing body,

Here’s to believing- believing that it is all possible and it will happen-

Here’s to knowing-knowing that the best is yet to come.

beach babes

2006-05-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

lessons of life no. 2896

2006-05-26T00:02:00.000-07:00

It is my junior year, 1978, when disco and Rocky movies are the cultural rage. We are in an unusual sociology class at Brandeis, something Morrie calls "Group Process." Each week we study the ways in which the students in the group interact with one another, how they respond to anger, jealousy, attention. We are human lab rats. More often than not, someone ends up crying. I refer to it as the "touchy-feely" course. Morrrie says i should be more open-minded.

On this day, Morrie says he has an exercise for us to try. We are to stand, facing away from our classmates, and fall backward, relying on another student to catch us. Most of us are uncomfortable with this, and we cannot let go for more than a few inches before stopping ourselves. we laugh in embarassment.

Finally, one student, a thin, quiet, dark-haired girl whom i notice almost always wears bulky fisherman sweaters crosses her arms over her chest, closes her eyes, leans back, and does not flinch, like on of those liption tea commercials where the model splashes into the pool.

For a moment, i am sure she is going to thump on the floor. At the last instant, her assigned partner grabs her head and shoulders and yanks her up harshly.

"Whoa!" several students yell. some clap.

Morrie finally smiles.

"You see," he says to the girl, "you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too-even when you are in the dark. Even when you are falling."

excerpt from tuesdays with morrie

blogword of the day-

2006-05-24T22:45:00.000-07:00

The simplest commitment is the one made in the heat of the moment- the easiest promises are those fervently spoken in a state of passion. I love you-I cant live without you-I will always be there for you-you are my best friend-you are the one for me-I will fight for you no matter what-

We say these words or hear them with our minds shut off and our hearts wide open-we need to believe in them.

Those promises which are never talked about & are a bitch to fulfil, are the ones expressed with every part of our being but not spoken in words- These are the vows our body and soul make- when our eyes zealously connect with another’s eyes and say things which we cant control- when each move we make is another statement of undying devotion-and when every time we touch its almost like another signature on the dotted line-

What we need to do is realize that where there is such a thing as keeping your word, there is also more importantly a thing known as keeping your non-words. And though the words have been witnessed by the world and therefore exist larger than life, the non-words keep growing inside us till they consume us and we fall down and hit the ground really hard and very fast-

observations at coffee

2006-05-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

one windy karachi morning, having breakfast at espresso-

3 women- all in black specs, the lawn shalwar kameez-just-dropped-off-our-kids-to-montessori-types, discussing their kids, looking at a baby's portraits done by jimmy's studio, having omelettes & coffee.

3 women- 2 with short curly hair, one with a tight bun, discussing the concept of christ & similarities between islam & christianity-
eating waffles & croissants.

2 girls & 1 guy-the guy dressed in office casuals, the girls in 3 piece dupatta suits, carrying journals & pens (part-time teachers perhaps?) one girl discussing the possibility of the other girl and the guy hitting it off as a couple.
ordered tuna sandwiches & orange juice (isnt the tuna sandwich very dry?)

my friend and i feeling slightly un-aunty like, both wearing brown, with the same brown nokia phones from the l'amour collection, brown leather bags-discussing skin types, theatre in the city, gossip, karachi & being single-
enjoyed pancakes & omelette with cappuccino & orange juice.

the wind was wild, crazy & ruthless, no kameez left unblown, no hair stayed in place-

the pancakes were cold, but the maple syrup delicious

lessons of life no. 2376

2006-05-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

was watching grey's anatomy-wanted to share the following-

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time. Heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.

Designers with passion

2006-05-07T00:10:00.000-07:00

redrawing of boundaries-or losing them

2006-04-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

after a certain number of years have passed, what are the rules of the game? the game being old relationships with class fellows? How much water must pass under the bridge for the slate to be wiped clean? though the issues were childish at best, do they take on magnificent proportions in retrospect-and should they?

A school reunion of sorts has brought to mind these questions, as posed in the minds of the random variables coming together today- the groups as they existed are no more- the boundaries of the cool group and the not-so-cool group have vanished, and sufficient things have been accomplished in life by everyone to not care about the past- I still see some not willing to let go, and start afresh- i still see some wanting to desperately maintain those circles drawn years ago.

I say whats more than a decade old doesnt need re-visiting- what happened when we were not half the people we are now, should not be held onto- we should take this as a new beginning and be prepared to be completely blown away by the class nerd, and not be surprised when the cynical bitchy girl from school hugs us so hard you know she has changed-

green light- go

2006-04-15T00:15:00.000-07:00

the city of karachi

2006-04-15T00:02:00.000-07:00

lights, sound, traffic!

2006-04-14T01:48:00.000-07:00

one of my favourite things to do POST 2am is stand on the roof and just stare at the traffic on main shahra-e-faisal-its almost hypnotic. the steady buzz of the cars, trucks, whooshing by-and then exactly 3 seconds of absolute quiet when that particular patch of the road has no traffic at all, when time stands still in those 3 seconds, when the signals close in a weird combination and catch all traffic in a wash of red-leaving us with a clean empty strip of grey.

yesterday those 3 seconds were longer than i have ever seen before- instead of the sudden burst of cars which used to rush by after the silence, yesterday there was a trickle of motorbikes, an odd rickshaw and then silence again-

karachi silent is not something i can ever swallow - its almost like going against nature.

i will maintain my nightly duty willing the city to become alive again-i will wish and hope for that rush of sounds, for those cars i used to abuse when i couldnt sleep.

because like all melodramatic women, once i am out of a relationship i want back in :)

espress yourself

2006-04-12T13:17:00.000-07:00

so much has already been said about the blogger meet up-
my favourite part was the sudden aha moment when i looked around, and felt a sense of accomplishment-a few randoms, a few predictables, and great conversation-also contrary to what my brother predicted, no awkward moments-
when people comment on my love for espresso, i always try and explain that for me its not about the coffee- its about the memories i have already formed there and the connections, sharing, that i know will take place there in the future- espresso has managed something no one else has quite so well. it almost begs friendships to develop, relationships to grow, and new connections to be made. the best part as sabeen said is that its our version of the local shop around the corner-
a quote which was a favourite amongst my group of friends while i was at indus-

-our souls remain hovering in places where we once enjoyed ourselves- khalil jibran

espresso, here's to you

putting faces to words

2006-04-06T04:19:00.000-07:00

i finally get to meet a couple of blogs in person- jammie and i are going to be sharing, connecting, blogging with 2 of the usual suspects- coffee at espresso- it should be as delicious as it sounds.
any takers?

stay safe-maybe not clean

2006-03-17T20:09:00.000-08:00

i love it-such strict instructions-hehe only to employees though-

lounging-

2006-03-04T22:45:00.000-08:00

not my living room---the women's lounge (glorified washroom) at nordstrom.
this woman lounged here for a good 10 minutes-now if only there was someone in the next sofa, it could have been a coffee morning at espresso-

rambling from germantown

2006-03-04T22:18:00.000-08:00

this blog banning is really upsetting- how many things do we have to give up? are we going to be forced into becoming extremists because our hands are being tied, our thoughts are being muffled, and our growth is being stifled? i guess its seems much more extreme giving that i am in the land of free thought-its all a visible stark contrast-we love our country so much, but its depressing when all that passion & love doesnt amount to any big change in how we live our lives. it seems like such a tiny expectation to have the space to think how we want, to be what we want.

interesting observation made by a guy here- he didnt believe i was from pakistan-why-because my english was REALLY good (exclamation) weird na? i told him that all my friends, and most of the people i knew talked the way i did-he couldnt believe it, he asked me if i lived somewhere else and therefore could speak so well-i said no, just pakistan. hehe. this from a desi guy-who visited pakistan last year- i realized the source of his misconception, when he told me he had visited lahore- :)

i became addicted to judging amy while in manila, and that became a ritual- watch judging amy-switch off light-let the nanny play on low volume and fall asleep- depending on the day it could be strong medicine instead of judging amy. here i found a bit of interest in grey's anatomy, thanks to tubs-will definitely follow it up when i get back to laraib heaven.

i go onto the last leg of my journey (almost) on tuesday-have never been to the west coast and have to say i am looking forward to the beauty that people have been telling me about-especially breathtaking views on the highway which runs next to the pacific-how vague does that sound-

hey- have discovered a new card game called mafia which i plan to teach all my friends when i get back, so friends get ready for the new tABOO- it was most entertaining.

bloggersss----blog----my daily net reading is suffering.

picture postcard from chicago

2006-03-03T01:34:00.000-08:00

hats off to friends

2006-03-01T00:41:00.000-08:00

simplistic

2006-02-26T09:32:00.000-08:00

there is something to be said for the simple joys of the not-so-simple life- yesterday i watched as my friend pressed a button titles clean on her remote and a little disc called rhumba buzzed and came to life, cleaning the floors like w robot possessed-feeling its way around via sensors-she pressed stop & it meekly went back to its corner and buzzed out- This morning i clicked a button & enjoyed recorded tv programmes on her little tivo-type gadget. i can watch all the satellite channels on the laptop wherever i want because that was her husband's weekend project this time-

chicago designed

2006-02-25T19:50:00.000-08:00

Chicago is a gorgeous city-with a great design team who is responsible for selecting a design theme every year-the entire downtown area is then artistically accessorized with installations & other fun design elements- the theme of this year seems to have been spheres/circles, and every park area, & the entire strip of Michigan avenue had these either on the ground or hanging from the trees- I thought it was a brilliant idea-the best part was there was no pseudo analytical vision behind it, (what does it mean?) it was just exciting, aesthetically pleasing & good to look at, and there is nothing wrong with that.

We had lunch at this beautiful restaurant called the Grand Lux Café in the middle of Michigan avenue-we managed to bag one of the window tables, which had a stunning view of the magnificent mile. Our order of the grand appetizer platter was too much to finish even for my friend-little piglet. When we walked out, I realized my sweater coat-as predicted by little piglet-was pitifully inadequate for the chilly winds, but the red coat handed over to me by its owner was a size big for me, and it wasn’t me therefore my severe reservations with wearing it-a blast of wind and that settled the matter for me-

hello holiday

2006-02-25T00:56:00.000-08:00

in chicago- big city lights- camera & action--let the games begin

first flurry

2006-02-22T06:50:00.000-08:00

woke up to see germantown turning white-it looks so beautiful! serene & energizing all at the same time-lovely lovely lovely. i wish we could have the beach, the wind, & snow in karachi- i wish-

so much space-so little space

2006-02-21T00:10:00.000-08:00

its been 2 days of displaced thoughts & me/ There is no constant/only randoms/moving images, changing ideas, rapid eye movement/unsettled am i/weirdly the work trip in the philippines seems to have been more therapeutic/maybe its just a matter of getting used to the time zone, adjusting my sleep cycle or maybe its just that after 2 weeks of personal me-time, so many people, so much of family is taking away my sense of holiday?

space is an elusive thing- sometimes with no one around you, it feels like space around you is filled with rich experiences, moments, but sometimes with so much space too, its almost like you are being suffocated-its claustrophobic/you find yourself desperate for some air to breathe in/something to keep you alive/thats when you miss your hours of being alone/of being you/& of cliched-ly dancing like nobody's watching.

in the land of the free

2006-02-19T01:20:00.000-08:00

after 25 odd hours of travel through time & space, finally reached america last night- its -10 here so very free-zing-my all words & no action jacket did not help me much, neither did my stilettos-Its amazing how things work out, when i got off at d.c, i suddenly felt this wave of exhaustion, so i got a porter-the porter apparently had chosen me because he saw my pendant, which had bismillah on it- he was a fellow pakistani from pind-i. he was so happy to see me, he took me out to the airport pickup without realizing there might not be a pick up for me yet- it was bitterly cold- the advantage of listening to his stories about his sisters & mom & the bahut nice american people and their systems, his questioning on why pakistan bad-and we peoples no good at work-was that i made a number of calls from his mobile. he kept me company for 25 minutes-5 minutes of which was an authentic punjabi phone call with his sistah from pakistan.

illustrative-the way to go

2006-02-15T02:00:00.000-08:00

I was introduced to the music of one cynthia alexander-she is a well respected singer in the philippines & she is an illustrator as well-the cover of her cd is her own work- this is the kind of personal art which inspires me more than more standard forms of art & design- this almost feels like an intrusion into someone's journal. she reminded me of sabrina ward harrison a bit-her music is very soothing-i am trying to buy a copy
for myself so i can keep the cover.

A colleague here called sam baja co owns a bar across town jointly owned by musicians & artists. Cynthia is one of the owners too. Apparently all
underground musicians (thinking dusk) and other not too mainstream type of artists meet here regularly to jam, connect, eat and drink. many groups have come together here apparently.

Another colleague joey is part of a band called twisted halo-i am now proud owner of 2 original signed cds-one of twisted halo and one of colour it red. exciting na-

man from stan

2006-02-15T00:36:00.000-08:00

heard through the grapevine that there was apakistani who had just joined the call centre- today i walked out of the building on my way to get coffee when this guy comes and stands in front of me- excuse me i have a question for you, so in my mind i am thinking jesus this reminds me of pakistan and he says where are you from. from pakistan i say. oh i knew there was someone from pakistan and a friend pointed you out. i am from pakistan too. i said oh wow really how are you here. so he says its a long story. so i say make it short. he says well i am married to a filipina. aaaaaah it clicked into place and for a mo an evil thought went racing through my mind-married to the maid eh-and before i could catch it and spank it the thought had flown the mind.

so now i sit here with my banana bread remembering stan and espresso afternoons.

on a positive note though, we have to go set up the booth for an event which starts tomorrow and i just heard its in a hotel which has its own mall-famous for shoes- GASP.

2006-02-13T23:58:00.000-08:00

costa love message

official love

2006-02-13T21:29:00.001-08:00

I think the last valentine celebrations i had in an organized fashion-as jammie reminded me was 10 years ago- today was another one. It was valentine's day -THE ROMANTIC GROOVE- for employees at TRG Philippines. They participated in singing competitions, find your heart game, date a managing director & other very loud & hysterical games. All pariticipants got vouchers from starbucks & figaro which i was thought was great. It was really sweet- and hey i met a pakistani guy who has just joined as a call centre agent-name ali-

I had been asked to belly dance- what with being from the subcontinent- but i politely refused claiming my moslem morals :) hahahaa..what a laugh as anyone who has seen me dance will tell you-

going out for a valentine's day lunch now with my temporary colleagues- i dont leave tomorrow, i leave friday and its actually an exciting thought- i have had a brilliant time here, though i was very stressed about it before i arrived. i keep reminding myself this was supposed to be the stressful part & now i am going for my holiday-

official love

2006-02-13T21:29:00.000-08:00

2006-02-13T06:43:00.000-08:00

i guess its love

st.valentine comes visiting

2006-02-12T07:05:00.000-08:00

it was almost like you might have imagined it happening over time- there was a knock at the door- i opened it-and a voice-"happy valentine's" and a little teddy bear holding a heart-with a paper heart which said "love is a symbol of eternity-it wipes out all sense of time, destroying all momeory of a beginning and all fear of an end-" author unknown.

the hotel's way of making their female guests feel special- :)

2006-02-11T21:21:00.000-08:00

power of a star

2006-02-10T21:11:00.000-08:00

let there be light

developing a private persona

2006-02-10T20:43:00.000-08:00

being part of a big family-sharing a room with a sister-never really getting space to yourself, i guess i was mostly always the public me-which wasnt a bad thing-but now, slowly getting used to the hotel suite where its my domain and i am the queen-and as i get comfortable with it, i am emerging from mariam-for-everyone to mariam-for-mariam. I talk loudly to myself, laugh out hysterically, dance across the floor, pose in front of the mirror, sleep diagonally across the bed, or sit quietly without an outside voice intruding.

It makes me believe even more strongly in the necessity of personal space-its considered almost ridiculous the idea that you could need your own private space-those doubting thomases give you a one eyebrow stare-what do you want to do that you cant do around us-and just not bothered with explaining, you keep quiet.

Even if its something as simple as sitting in a chair-or watching tv with the remote in your hand-its importance cannot be undermined and for an individual to evolve into that elusive private person-space is key. I wish it was a matter-of-fact reality which no one could question, so that all the women & men who exist as mere shadoqs of themselves could actually blossom and emerge confident, sure & happy.

of strangers & friends

2006-02-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

these people here who i dont know very well arranged a night of karaoke yesterday-there was comfort in the strangeness of the company and i belted out quite a few numbers-horribly-including bohemian rhapsody-lost in your eyes-you've lost that love & feeling-and it was just the release of energy i needed-the rest of them were pretty good at it, since 2 were actually members of popular bands-we sang for ages & when i got back to the hotel, i was comfortably numb-

the jam called in the middle, and it made me realize however exciting this trip is, i still missed my close friends-i be missing sam's bday too-

lady in red playing on the radio! managed to get in touch with a family friend's niece who i have never met but she lives in manila- we planned to meet meet up either on sunday or monday.

oh someone asked me why i am in manila-work trip to make sure the design aesthetics we have set for this company are being followed in this new branch office too-

hey just remembered sam was on her way to KL- why?

oh insiya-ali alam is a funny man-and i am sure he wasnt painting the town red because of me :)

2006-02-09T23:53:00.000-08:00

ortigas from the 30th floor

HIGH

2006-02-09T01:42:00.000-08:00

it has to be said-there is something completely mind blowing- major buzz-listening to pakistani music in a foreign environment- today i listened to raat jaagi on full blast and everyone passed by my room looking bewildered & bemused- but it was awesome. Almost like its your own personal language & no one else knows it-

Listening to kajra re now- every scene of the jam;s wedding is going through my mind-wooohoooooooo----desperately seeking dancing-

you say it best-

2006-02-07T08:16:00.002-08:00

Our thoughts- so much thought goes into our thoughts, so much analysis, but when you have all the time in the world to think-when your mind is slightly less cluttered, you find it almost difficult to grasp solid thoughts, almost impossible to make realizations of any great standing.

But at the same time you know that what you are doing is storing up on observations, hoarding up on floating ideas, almost selfishly collecting every wisp of emotion & dream, so that when the time is right, you will allow them to form into intelligent sentences, full of the wisdom you unwittingly acquired in those moments of empty thoughts. When in a relaxed afternoon with a friend, you will finally be able to give voice to so many essential insights, so many discoveries you made about yourself & life.

Unsaid ideas-Unspoken words-Unestablished meanings- do we give enough importance to them? Do we focus too much on only the words which make it out into the world? Do we disregard the ones which are so much more potent but are just not ready to fit into a mould or structure of an idea of thought?

Shouldn’t we then let them simmer below the surface, where without much acclaim or fanfare, they continue to affect us, continue to direct us towards become the people we were meant to be?

you say it best-

2006-02-07T08:16:00.000-08:00

2006-02-06T18:40:00.000-08:00

lets take photos

sunday by myself-

2006-02-05T07:36:00.000-08:00

the most relaxing sunday i have spent in a long time- last sunday was a crazy one trying to finish everything before leaving-seems hard to believe a week ago i was in good 'ol karachi preparing for the trip-today was just a smooth jazz kinda day-where you just drift from one setting to the next-spent most of the morning chilling with myself at the hotel. afternoon found me at the podium again.

In honour of valentine's day, the mall has arranged a performance or a movie everyday in the afternoons-today i caught a famous filipino singer called JED, who sang dont wanna miss a thing, and other lovely numbers. As i sat there, i could actually drown out the crowd, and have my own personal experience with the music-caffe mocha & a butterscotch cookie to top it off.

this post seems like the most forced post ever-but its not. Its just i am still drifting, so nothing too intelligent to say-will probably drift off to sleep now-

2006-02-05T07:34:00.000-08:00

banana leaf women

2006-02-04T06:29:00.000-08:00

woomanpower

crowning glory

2006-02-03T08:16:00.000-08:00

I went to the re-launch party of the crowne plaze galleria manila-it was set up like a boxing ring & the theme was of a new heavy weight who has just become the champion-subtle link to crowne plaze entering the market & also to their boxing champion who just won the title- The best part was the managing director of the chain was actually a part of this entire performance-he was the heavy weight champion- in each corner of the room they had set up one facility of the hotel-the spa, the business centre, the room, their famous chinese restaurant, etc. It was all performed to the music of eye of the tiger-it was great entertainment. They were serving their cuisine specialities to the guests-floor seating with low tables had been arranged with lamps & chinese lights.

Another interesting facet to these people that I have discovered is that women dominate-there is a 60 percent majority of women in the country and that shows in little amenities which are provided to make a woman’s life easier-I guess a woman president also helps. For example, my colleage had her 2 year old daughter with her, and she was there with us throughout-quite a few women there I noticed had their babies with them-Also when we were taken on a tour of the rooms, the woman who took us around also had her baby with her. This I found truly fascinating-that women were not subjected to blackmail-if you cant keep your baby at home, you are not professional and shouldn’t be in this job, kind of subliminal vibe-ology which would have existed in our country.

This girl who is working with me was flabbergasted when I told her there is no walking culture in our country- she pointed out buildings very close to each other and asked me-not even from here to here? I had to say no, not even to the house next door- and the more I thought about it, the more I realized how dumb it actually sounded. I tried explaining it to her but it just sounded lame-I wonder if there could be a walking revolution- force the cheap tapori guys to retreat into their holes-the women are taking over.

pinoy

2006-02-02T06:57:00.000-08:00

this city is fascinating. the impression we have of the filipinos-mainly from the maid culture in our country-is one of poverty or at least of a lower income strata, but you come here and see the buildings & you forget that these people are the same subservient beings in our houses- they have a mini manhattan in the midst of manila, their building reach far above what the eye can see-if you sit in a mall and observe them, they are happy, content, bustling about with their friends, family, alone, doing their own thing be it sitting in starbucks, pciking up delicious bread in breadtalk, indulging in retail therapy, or just standing around holding hands with their partners-there is nothing furtive in their actions, they are not plagued by the oh-my-god-what-if-someone-saw-us or the let-me-walk-fast-in-case-some-loser-harrases-me.

you can walk out and walk around-sit under umbrellas and have a caramel machiatto, walk one building down and get a quick thai massage, cross the road at lunch time and just browse the shops.

yes its like any other city in the modern world, but the reason it inspires more feeling is because it makes you realize we could so easily be that way too.

2006-02-02T06:51:00.000-08:00

dinner for one

2006-02-01T07:39:00.000-08:00

view from my temporary office

in manila i am uso

2006-02-01T07:31:00.000-08:00

second night in manila-I had dinner on my own in roma mia-in a mall called the podium- I have to say I was great company.

at the office, it was strange setting up a desk which wasn’t my own, so used am I to my own desk at the cherry bowl. I guess such a shift of perspective really helps you appreciate what you have. I love my office and I realize now how proud I am of myself and amna. I can see tall buildings from my office window, & when I walk out, right opposite one entrance is my hotel, and opposite the other entrance is ortigas avenue, which has all the office buildings, lots of cafes, ristorantes & bakeries. What is interesting is they have lunch at 11 30, and dinner at 6 or 6 30.

tomorrow I will venture further & explore some more areas. I have been invited to a Filipino church wedding on Saturday for which I have no clothes, and on Friday a colleague here is taking me shopping. Sunday I will head for the biggest mall strip here called green belt- yayyy.

i was told by one colleague that my dressing style was very "uso" which means its in-

i am uso.(pronounced oooso)

update

2005-12-04T23:33:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys for the delay in getting together for art for a cause-

Just wanted to share a design which someone has already done for this :)

http://schizosdreamintechnicolor.blogspot.com/2005/12/pennies-for-lives.html

I am sending out a mail-tentatively thinking of saturday for everyone interested to meet up.

A literary idiot

2005-11-30T02:31:00.000-08:00

I just read an article written by Mike Gold titled 'Gertrude Stein-A literary idiot'
As he says about her,

"She was looked upon by those who believed in her as the greatest revolutionist in the history of contemporary literature, and by those who scoffed as the perpetrator of a gigantic literary hoax"

How many people would fit into this description today, in our literary and art circles?

"The literary insanity of Gertrude Stein is a deliberate insanity which arises out of a false conception of the nature of art and of the function of language.

A leisure class, which exists on the labor of others, which has no function to perform in society except the clipping of investment coupons, develops ills and neuroses. It suffers perpetually from boredom. Their life is stale to them. Tasteless, inane, because it has no meaning. They seek new sensations, new adventures constantly in order to give themselves feelings.

The same process took place with the artists of the leisure class. Literature also bored them. They tried to suck out of it new sensations, new adventures.

They destroyed the common use of language. Normal ways of using words bored them. They wished to use words in a new, sensational fashion. They twisted grammar, syntax. They went in for primitive emotions, primitive art. Blood, violent death, dope dreams, soul-writhings, became the themes of their works.
(sound familiar?)

In Gertrude Stein, art became a personal pleasure, a private hobby, a vice. She did not care to communicate because essentially there was nothing to communicate. She had no responsibility except to her own inordinate cravings. She became the priestess of a cult with strange literary rites, with mystical secrets.

In this light, one can see that to Gertrude Stein and to the other artists like her, art exists in the vacuum of a private income. In order to pursue the kind of art, in order to be the kind of artist Gertrude Stein is, it is necessary to live in that kind of society which will permit one to have a private income from wealthy parents or sound investments. With this as a basis, you can write as you please. You can destroy language, mutilate grammar, rave or rant in the name of the higher knowledge. Nobody will disturb you. And in time perhaps you can impress or intimidate a certain number of critics and win a kind of reputation.

Gertrude Stein appears to have convinced America that she is a genius.

But Marxists refuse to be impressed with her own opinion of herself. They see in the work of Gertrude Stein extreme symptoms of the decay of capitalist culture. They view her work as the complete attempt to annihilate all relations between the artist and the society in which he lives.
They see in her work the same kind of orgy and spiritual abandon that marks the life of the whole leisure class.

What else does her work resemble more than the midnight revels of a stockbroker throwing a pent-house party for a few intimate friends? Would it be possible to have either of these symptoms of degeneration except in a society divided into classes? Is there not an "idle art" just as there is an "idle rich"? Both do nothing but cultivate the insanity of their own desires, both cultivate strange indulgences. The literary idiocy of Gertrude Stein only reflects the madness of the whole system of capitalist values. It is part of the signs of doom that are written largely everywhere on the walls of bourgeois society. "

I thought critics here could learn a lot from this style of writing-where the critique is clean, concise, lucid, laid out for everyone to read and understand, and yet the opinion of the writer is conveyed without question. no hemming and hawing, no thought of which sensibilities might be offended, no fear-only confidence and critical analysis.

2005-11-24T01:36:00.000-08:00

curl-esque

calling artists part 2.

2005-11-11T09:09:00.000-08:00

The response to the call for all artists to come forward has been amazingly brilliant! Thanks to all of you who I know spread the word and got people to participate-jelly marm J- ok so here’s an update.

A lot of people have responded, left me their e mail addresses etc. A lot of them are actually writers as well, which works well too, since we can pair them up with a visual artist. After some debate, by mutual consent it has been decided that the date for the exhibit should be January 8th, 2006, to coincide with the 3 month mark of the earthquake. This date gives us enough time to really conceptualize.

In the interest of moving forward i am putting a cut off date for participants to register-17th November 2005.

After the cut off, I thought it would make more sense to start a group e mail with the participants so that the ideas can flow, and real magic can begin. We can meet up and brainstorm, figure out direction etc.

So for now, thank you thank you thank you and I cant wait to see what everyone comes up with. Also i think it will be strangely fascinating to meet all the bloggers.

calling artists

2005-11-06T03:23:00.000-08:00

Continuing the art for a cause discussion, I came across a similar website organized in the US for hurricane Katrina and rita relief. It’s a brilliant site, and I think it explains what I was talking about. http://www.25abovewater.com

I have developed a vague mini brief for the project, so if all of you could forward this on, and ask interested persons to leave a comment here or on your sites with their e mail addresses. That way we can compile a list of people and kick start it. The details will be worked out and shared once we have a list of the eager artists. People like writers can participate too. It would be interesting to have them team up with a visual artist for a collaborative poster. We should try and hit as many working artists from the community.

Project:

for: artists/photographers/graphic designers/illustrators/painters/printmakers/architects/textile designers/writers/

why: for the art community to come together, produce some memorable works of art, and sell them to benefit the relief efforts.

dynamics: the artists will be given a timeframe within which to produce the poster/art design and then all designs will be posted on a website to be sold. An exhibition of the posters will also be organized.

art for a cause?

2005-10-29T12:55:00.000-07:00

Browsing the net, i came across a series of posters various artists/designers/visualizers had designed after september 11th-it was their rendition of the disaster. The posters were sold on various websites to raise money. A simple idea and very effective.

A friend and i met yesterday-we discussed how the design community in karachi keeps growing exponentially but as a voice and as a group they dont have an identity. Individually there is talk about how to make a difference, the power of our profession, and also great dialogue on us being the change-makers, the inspiration-seekers etc, but no coming together of these great ideas and minds.

I am to blame as much as the next person-i expound great theories but dont act upon them. I am all words sometimes and no action. Why do we always wait for the person next to us to initiate something?

Coming back to the point, i came across a series of posters and thought-why cant we do that a a group of artists? Each one designs a poster, print, painting for pakistan/karachi muzaffarabad/any city of pakistan, and then the posters are sold. I agree that this idea wont result in immediate raising of funds, but it could do wonders for the disharmony present in the conceptualizers of this country-that being us, the designers of a better world.

amazing.brilliant.shining.hope

2005-10-11T02:58:00.000-07:00

i dont remember any other moment of such pride in being pakistani as the moment i entered the PAF museum. Stunned. I was. Spirited. People were. as we drove in, the 2 km driveway was full of cars-young boys, families, school girls, teenagers, all heading to help in whatever way they could. I seriously think there were more people than the biggest musical concert, the largest entertainment gala.

Inside the field, someone had organized the goods being donated into medicine, blood, kafans, food, blankets, etc and all the while we were there, the constant stream of trucks brining in rice, cartons of water, medicine, blankets, tents, did not let up. Karachiittes had opened up their hearts and their homes, and whatever they had they were prepared to give. More than the trucks what was really inspirational to see were the aged couples walking in bringing 3 water bottles, a few sheets, some biscuit packets-whatever they could afford-and helping in distributing it all.

The first public gathering of its kind where mullah-types, trousers-clad girls, rowdy young boys etc were all working together without judgement, without any catcalls, where girls had flung their dupattas off to really get to work without caring about the looks. It was brilliant and i wanted to bottle the spirit present in the air.

MORE INFORMATION-QUAKE RELIEF

2005-10-10T00:15:00.000-07:00

All Mobilink and Ufone users - SMS the word Donate to 436. Rs.3 will be deducted from your balance and given towards the relief fund.

Donations can be deposited in any branch of UBL in Pakistan giving following details.
Account Title MKRF - Pakistan Earthquake Relief Fund
Bank Name United Bank Limited
Account No. 0102598-5
Branch Code 1234
Branch Name Al-Rehman
BranchBranch Address I. I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi , Pakistan

For international telegraphic transfer from any bank abroad also indicate
Swift Code U N I L P K KA
To contribute via PayPal - click here: Help Pakistan

Contact the following organizations:
Edhi FoundationKarachi - 021-2201261Lahore - 042 - 5414211
Islamabad - 051 - 2827844
Multan - 061 - 4583906 / 4549938
Quetta - 081 - 2830832 / 2830861
Fatamid FoundationDr. Sagher - 021-2225285 / 0300 - 9210647
Ansar Burney Welfare TrustSarim Burney - 0300 - 8243459 / 0301 - 8243459

Rotaract Club 3270
Lahore:Natash Ali Mian - 0300 - 9464209
Farooq Abdul Qadir - 0333 - 4227114
Karachi: Ali Hafeez - 0333 - 2298048

National Academy of Youth Trust
Mrs. Samina - 0333 - 3114726
Khidmat - e - Khalq FoundationKarachi - 021 - 6328464
Al Khidmat Foundation Lahore - 042 - 5433038
Islamabad - 051 - 2277343 / 2877933

Unicef International Red Cross Mensa Pakistan Disaster Relief Fund SA Tribune: Sending donations if you live abroad Lahore University of Management Sciences' Charity Drive

The Karachi Metblog and Lahore Metblog are posting news updates and details of charity drives constantly.

IVS ALUMNI contact info

2005-10-10T00:09:00.000-07:00

People interested in contributing can contact the following ivs alumni reps

Ramiz Baig : 0300 2108877 or

Mariam Ali 0300 2001086

Conversely you could also just come to the indus valley campus and give in your funds, or goods.

THANKS!

relief funds

2005-10-09T11:33:00.001-07:00

The Indus Valley Alumni Association is also collecting funds, tents, blankets/warm clothing etc to send to the affected areas.

If anyone wants to contribute, or knows any individual, organization, company, who would like to, pls let me know.

relief funds

2005-10-09T11:33:00.000-07:00

The Indus Valley Alumni Association is also collecting funds, tents, blankets/warm clothing etc to send to the affected areas.

If anyone wants to contribute, or knows any indicidual, organizationg, company, who would like to, pls let me know.

lets start giving-how & where.

2005-10-09T03:37:00.000-07:00

Places to give money/non-perishable items.

PAF museum, Karsaz rd-Initiative taken by Fakhr-e-Alam. Already people have proved their generosity by giving enough to fill 12 C-130s. VOLUNTEERS needed here.

Agha's-A relief fund stall has been set up.

Hassan Sq-A relief fund stall has been set up.

Geo Mir Khalil-ur-rehman foundation-rom 2pm to 4 pm sunday geo is hosting a telethon to collect donations. You can also deposit money in UBL account no. 01021598-5

Will post more places as i know.

2005-09-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

saturday night

rush

2005-09-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

WOW-its done. The launch went really well. The evening was so different, that at one point i actually felt i was the odd one out, a desi caught in the middle of all those europeans. I didnt know we had so many of them-but each very sweet and very friendly. It was refreshingly interesting. I met one absolutely gorgeous britisher from islamabad-he was incredibly cute. Met the italian consul general and his wife who was a sweetheart.

It was such an unreal feeling being in karachi, with something so major happening, and i was there but my friends werent. It was a little incomplete not seeing those familiar faces when i turned around-a few reassuring looks, a few recognizable expressions of support. I missed them all.

On the bright side, we have a new place to frequent and call our own and tomorrow when we go out for coffee, we can actually say, hey where should we go, espresso or costa?

2005-09-18T14:36:00.000-07:00

the first cup

cheries in a bowl

2005-09-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

a discussion started today at work between my partner (business) and i-she asked me why i never write anything related to our work on my blog. That got me thinking-would i be perfectly happy making post2am too work work? We came to the conclusion that some of the events of each day at the cherry bowl are too entertaining/dramatic to not have a blog-result?

www.creativepickings.blogspot.com

Amna (my partner) and i will both be posting-

Should be a fun, juicy ride :)

i'm IT

2005-09-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

jammie tagged me-so here we go.

5 years ago: I had just returned from 6 months of soul searching & getting over a guy.

1 year ago: I still existed in a false world where I was clinging desperately to something which had ceased to be a long time ago.

5 songs i know all the words to: dosti by nazia zoheb, neele neele ambar, with or without you, keh dena, she,

5 snacks i enjoy: dangerously cheesy cheetos, red pringles, plain butter cookies, meethay pooray, vanilla cake,

5 things I'd do with a million dollars: buy a beach house, a penthouse apartment, an audi tt, go on a long holiday all over europe, start a program/bookshop with coffee shop/ to promote reading & writing,

5 places i would run away to: london, my office, someplace in the mountains, the beach, luxembourg,

5 things i would never wear: I don’t want to write anything here because from past experience I have learnt that all horrible things come back in fashion and I love them J though a chunky plastic necklace is a sure thing-also a pointy bra (madonna style)

5 favourite TV shows: sex & the city, friends, 24, desperate housewives, star trek

5 greatest joys: toast and tea, rainy afternoon reading harry potter, punjabi music, my nephew miks, travelling alone to london,

5 favourite toys: my lappie, my studio, my day & night reversible dress doll, my nephew miks, digital camera,

i tag meeeenaaaaa, ali alam,

2005-09-10T13:39:00.000-07:00

coffee on a beautiful day

rainy afternoon

2005-09-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

the perfect rainy afternoon-a window which looks out into the garden, a good friend & a cup of coffee. thats what i did.

2005-09-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

karachiites

tell me who are you.

2005-09-09T00:34:00.000-07:00

who are you? you who are a part of my country, my existence, my environment but who i dont see existing in it-you who breathes the same air as i, but who does not share in my belief that this air is sacrosanct-you who i have seen while i was growing up, from behind my window on my way to school, but who got left far behind-you who loves this country just like i do, but who loves it so desperately that you want to destroy it-you who i try to understand but cant-you whose actions speak louder than words, but who doesnt seem sure of his words-you who follow another's ideals, thoughts, opinions, but who doesnt stop to think if they are your ideals, thoughts, opinions-you who like me goes to mc donalds, but not for a burger-who are you, and why dont i know you?

2005-08-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

espresso yourself

begin

2005-08-27T00:57:00.000-07:00

one of my favourite thoughts-just saw it on a friend's website. I love the feeling of dreams being realized in this.

'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.'

W. H. Murray

realization

2005-08-26T13:59:00.000-07:00

i could not put my finger on why i was feeling irrationally irritable from time to time, and today i knew what it was.
i miss my mom.