simplistic

there is something to be said for the simple joys of the not-so-simple life- yesterday i watched as my friend pressed a button titles clean on her remote and a little disc called rhumba buzzed and came to life, cleaning the floors like w robot possessed-feeling its way around via sensors-she pressed stop & it meekly went back to its corner and buzzed out- This morning i clicked a button & enjoyed recorded tv programmes on her little tivo-type gadget. i can watch all the satellite channels on the laptop wherever i want because that was her husband's weekend project this time-

chicago designed

Chicago is a gorgeous city-with a great design team who is responsible for selecting a design theme every year-the entire downtown area is then artistically accessorized with installations & other fun design elements- the theme of this year seems to have been spheres/circles, and every park area, & the entire strip of Michigan avenue had these either on the ground or hanging from the trees- I thought it was a brilliant idea-the best part was there was no pseudo analytical vision behind it, (what does it mean?) it was just exciting, aesthetically pleasing & good to look at, and there is nothing wrong with that.

We had lunch at this beautiful restaurant called the Grand Lux Café in the middle of Michigan avenue-we managed to bag one of the window tables, which had a stunning view of the magnificent mile. Our order of the grand appetizer platter was too much to finish even for my friend-little piglet. When we walked out, I realized my sweater coat-as predicted by little piglet-was pitifully inadequate for the chilly winds, but the red coat handed over to me by its owner was a size big for me, and it wasn’t me therefore my severe reservations with wearing it-a blast of wind and that settled the matter for me-

hello holiday

in chicago- big city lights- camera & action--let the games begin

first flurry

woke up to see germantown turning white-it looks so beautiful! serene & energizing all at the same time-lovely lovely lovely. i wish we could have the beach, the wind, & snow in karachi- i wish-

so much space-so little space

its been 2 days of displaced thoughts & me/ There is no constant/only randoms/moving images, changing ideas, rapid eye movement/unsettled am i/weirdly the work trip in the philippines seems to have been more therapeutic/maybe its just a matter of getting used to the time zone, adjusting my sleep cycle or maybe its just that after 2 weeks of personal me-time, so many people, so much of family is taking away my sense of holiday?

space is an elusive thing- sometimes with no one around you, it feels like space around you is filled with rich experiences, moments, but sometimes with so much space too, its almost like you are being suffocated-its claustrophobic/you find yourself desperate for some air to breathe in/something to keep you alive/thats when you miss your hours of being alone/of being you/& of cliched-ly dancing like nobody's watching.

in the land of the free

after 25 odd hours of travel through time & space, finally reached america last night- its -10 here so very free-zing-my all words & no action jacket did not help me much, neither did my stilettos-Its amazing how things work out, when i got off at d.c, i suddenly felt this wave of exhaustion, so i got a porter-the porter apparently had chosen me because he saw my pendant, which had bismillah on it- he was a fellow pakistani from pind-i. he was so happy to see me, he took me out to the airport pickup without realizing there might not be a pick up for me yet- it was bitterly cold- the advantage of listening to his stories about his sisters & mom & the bahut nice american people and their systems, his questioning on why pakistan bad-and we peoples no good at work-was that i made a number of calls from his mobile. he kept me company for 25 minutes-5 minutes of which was an authentic punjabi phone call with his sistah from pakistan.

illustrative-the way to go

I was introduced to the music of one cynthia alexander-she is a well respected singer in the philippines & she is an illustrator as well-the cover of her cd is her own work- this is the kind of personal art which inspires me more than more standard forms of art & design- this almost feels like an intrusion into someone's journal. she reminded me of sabrina ward harrison a bit-her music is very soothing-i am trying to buy a copy
for myself so i can keep the cover.

A colleague here called sam baja co owns a bar across town jointly owned by musicians & artists. Cynthia is one of the owners too. Apparently all
underground musicians (thinking dusk) and other not too mainstream type of artists meet here regularly to jam, connect, eat and drink. many groups have come together here apparently.

Another colleague joey is part of a band called twisted halo-i am now proud owner of 2 original signed cds-one of twisted halo and one of colour it red. exciting na-

man from stan

heard through the grapevine that there was apakistani who had just joined the call centre- today i walked out of the building on my way to get coffee when this guy comes and stands in front of me- excuse me i have a question for you, so in my mind i am thinking jesus this reminds me of pakistan and he says where are you from. from pakistan i say. oh i knew there was someone from pakistan and a friend pointed you out. i am from pakistan too. i said oh wow really how are you here. so he says its a long story. so i say make it short. he says well i am married to a filipina. aaaaaah it clicked into place and for a mo an evil thought went racing through my mind-married to the maid eh-and before i could catch it and spank it the thought had flown the mind.

so now i sit here with my banana bread remembering stan and espresso afternoons.

on a positive note though, we have to go set up the booth for an event which starts tomorrow and i just heard its in a hotel which has its own mall-famous for shoes- GASP.

costa love message 

official love

I think the last valentine celebrations i had in an organized fashion-as jammie reminded me was 10 years ago- today was another one. It was valentine's day -THE ROMANTIC GROOVE- for employees at TRG Philippines. They participated in singing competitions, find your heart game, date a managing director & other very loud & hysterical games. All pariticipants got vouchers from starbucks & figaro which i was thought was great. It was really sweet- and hey i met a pakistani guy who has just joined as a call centre agent-name ali-

I had been asked to belly dance- what with being from the subcontinent- but i politely refused claiming my moslem morals :) hahahaa..what a laugh as anyone who has seen me dance will tell you-

going out for a valentine's day lunch now with my temporary colleagues- i dont leave tomorrow, i leave friday and its actually an exciting thought- i have had a brilliant time here, though i was very stressed about it before i arrived. i keep reminding myself this was supposed to be the stressful part & now i am going for my holiday-

official love

I think the last valentine celebrations i had in an organized fashion-as jammie reminded me was 10 years ago- today was another one. It was valentine's day -THE ROMANTIC GROOVE- for employees at TRG Philippines. They participated in singing competitions, find your heart game, date a managing director & other very loud & hysterical games. All pariticipants got vouchers from starbucks & figaro which i was thought was great. It was really sweet- and hey i met a pakistani guy who has just joined as a call centre agent-name ali-

I had been asked to belly dance- what with being from the subcontinent- but i politely refused claiming my moslem morals :) hahahaa..what a laugh as anyone who has seen me dance will tell you-

going out for a valentine's day lunch now with my temporary colleagues- i dont leave tomorrow, i leave friday and its actually an exciting thought- i have had a brilliant time here, though i was very stressed about it before i arrived. i keep reminding myself this was supposed to be the stressful part & now i am going for my holiday-

i guess its love 

st.valentine comes visiting

it was almost like you might have imagined it happening over time- there was a knock at the door- i opened it-and a voice-"happy valentine's" and a little teddy bear holding a heart-with a paper heart which said "love is a symbol of eternity-it wipes out all sense of time, destroying all momeory of a beginning and all fear of an end-" author unknown.

the hotel's way of making their female guests feel special- :)

power of a star 

let there be light 

developing a private persona

being part of a big family-sharing a room with a sister-never really getting space to yourself, i guess i was mostly always the public me-which wasnt a bad thing-but now, slowly getting used to the hotel suite where its my domain and i am the queen-and as i get comfortable with it, i am emerging from mariam-for-everyone to mariam-for-mariam. I talk loudly to myself, laugh out hysterically, dance across the floor, pose in front of the mirror, sleep diagonally across the bed, or sit quietly without an outside voice intruding.

It makes me believe even more strongly in the necessity of personal space-its considered almost ridiculous the idea that you could need your own private space-those doubting thomases give you a one eyebrow stare-what do you want to do that you cant do around us-and just not bothered with explaining, you keep quiet.

Even if its something as simple as sitting in a chair-or watching tv with the remote in your hand-its importance cannot be undermined and for an individual to evolve into that elusive private person-space is key. I wish it was a matter-of-fact reality which no one could question, so that all the women & men who exist as mere shadoqs of themselves could actually blossom and emerge confident, sure & happy.

of strangers & friends

these people here who i dont know very well arranged a night of karaoke yesterday-there was comfort in the strangeness of the company and i belted out quite a few numbers-horribly-including bohemian rhapsody-lost in your eyes-you've lost that love & feeling-and it was just the release of energy i needed-the rest of them were pretty good at it, since 2 were actually members of popular bands-we sang for ages & when i got back to the hotel, i was comfortably numb-

the jam called in the middle, and it made me realize however exciting this trip is, i still missed my close friends-i be missing sam's bday too-

lady in red playing on the radio! managed to get in touch with a family friend's niece who i have never met but she lives in manila- we planned to meet meet up either on sunday or monday.

oh someone asked me why i am in manila-work trip to make sure the design aesthetics we have set for this company are being followed in this new branch office too-

hey just remembered sam was on her way to KL- why?

oh insiya-ali alam is a funny man-and i am sure he wasnt painting the town red because of me :)

ortigas from the 30th floor 

HIGH

it has to be said-there is something completely mind blowing- major buzz-listening to pakistani music in a foreign environment- today i listened to raat jaagi on full blast and everyone passed by my room looking bewildered & bemused- but it was awesome. Almost like its your own personal language & no one else knows it-

Listening to kajra re now- every scene of the jam;s wedding is going through my mind-wooohoooooooo----desperately seeking dancing-

you say it best-

Our thoughts- so much thought goes into our thoughts, so much analysis, but when you have all the time in the world to think-when your mind is slightly less cluttered, you find it almost difficult to grasp solid thoughts, almost impossible to make realizations of any great standing.

But at the same time you know that what you are doing is storing up on observations, hoarding up on floating ideas, almost selfishly collecting every wisp of emotion & dream, so that when the time is right, you will allow them to form into intelligent sentences, full of the wisdom you unwittingly acquired in those moments of empty thoughts. When in a relaxed afternoon with a friend, you will finally be able to give voice to so many essential insights, so many discoveries you made about yourself & life.

Unsaid ideas-Unspoken words-Unestablished meanings- do we give enough importance to them? Do we focus too much on only the words which make it out into the world? Do we disregard the ones which are so much more potent but are just not ready to fit into a mould or structure of an idea of thought?

Shouldn’t we then let them simmer below the surface, where without much acclaim or fanfare, they continue to affect us, continue to direct us towards become the people we were meant to be?

you say it best-

Our thoughts- so much thought goes into our thoughts, so much analysis, but when you have all the time in the world to think-when your mind is slightly less cluttered, you find it almost difficult to grasp solid thoughts, almost impossible to make realizations of any great standing.

But at the same time you know that what you are doing is storing up on observations, hoarding up on floating ideas, almost selfishly collecting every wisp of emotion & dream, so that when the time is right, you will allow them to form into intelligent sentences, full of the wisdom you unwittingly acquired in those moments of empty thoughts. When in a relaxed afternoon with a friend, you will finally be able to give voice to so many essential insights, so many discoveries you made about yourself & life.

Unsaid ideas-Unspoken words-Unestablished meanings- do we give enough importance to them? Do we focus too much on only the words which make it out into the world? Do we disregard the ones which are so much more potent but are just not ready to fit into a mould or structure of an idea of thought?

Shouldn’t we then let them simmer below the surface, where without much acclaim or fanfare, they continue to affect us, continue to direct us towards become the people we were meant to be?

lets take photos 

sunday by myself-

the most relaxing sunday i have spent in a long time- last sunday was a crazy one trying to finish everything before leaving-seems hard to believe a week ago i was in good 'ol karachi preparing for the trip-today was just a smooth jazz kinda day-where you just drift from one setting to the next-spent most of the morning chilling with myself at the hotel. afternoon found me at the podium again.

In honour of valentine's day, the mall has arranged a performance or a movie everyday in the afternoons-today i caught a famous filipino singer called JED, who sang dont wanna miss a thing, and other lovely numbers. As i sat there, i could actually drown out the crowd, and have my own personal experience with the music-caffe mocha & a butterscotch cookie to top it off.

this post seems like the most forced post ever-but its not. Its just i am still drifting, so nothing too intelligent to say-will probably drift off to sleep now-

banana leaf women 

woomanpower 

crowning glory

I went to the re-launch party of the crowne plaze galleria manila-it was set up like a boxing ring & the theme was of a new heavy weight who has just become the champion-subtle link to crowne plaze entering the market & also to their boxing champion who just won the title- The best part was the managing director of the chain was actually a part of this entire performance-he was the heavy weight champion- in each corner of the room they had set up one facility of the hotel-the spa, the business centre, the room, their famous chinese restaurant, etc. It was all performed to the music of eye of the tiger-it was great entertainment. They were serving their cuisine specialities to the guests-floor seating with low tables had been arranged with lamps & chinese lights.

Another interesting facet to these people that I have discovered is that women dominate-there is a 60 percent majority of women in the country and that shows in little amenities which are provided to make a woman’s life easier-I guess a woman president also helps. For example, my colleage had her 2 year old daughter with her, and she was there with us throughout-quite a few women there I noticed had their babies with them-Also when we were taken on a tour of the rooms, the woman who took us around also had her baby with her. This I found truly fascinating-that women were not subjected to blackmail-if you cant keep your baby at home, you are not professional and shouldn’t be in this job, kind of subliminal vibe-ology which would have existed in our country.

This girl who is working with me was flabbergasted when I told her there is no walking culture in our country- she pointed out buildings very close to each other and asked me-not even from here to here? I had to say no, not even to the house next door- and the more I thought about it, the more I realized how dumb it actually sounded. I tried explaining it to her but it just sounded lame-I wonder if there could be a walking revolution- force the cheap tapori guys to retreat into their holes-the women are taking over.

pinoy

this city is fascinating. the impression we have of the filipinos-mainly from the maid culture in our country-is one of poverty or at least of a lower income strata, but you come here and see the buildings & you forget that these people are the same subservient beings in our houses- they have a mini manhattan in the midst of manila, their building reach far above what the eye can see-if you sit in a mall and observe them, they are happy, content, bustling about with their friends, family, alone, doing their own thing be it sitting in starbucks, pciking up delicious bread in breadtalk, indulging in retail therapy, or just standing around holding hands with their partners-there is nothing furtive in their actions, they are not plagued by the oh-my-god-what-if-someone-saw-us or the let-me-walk-fast-in-case-some-loser-harrases-me.

you can walk out and walk around-sit under umbrellas and have a caramel machiatto, walk one building down and get a quick thai massage, cross the road at lunch time and just browse the shops.

yes its like any other city in the modern world, but the reason it inspires more feeling is because it makes you realize we could so easily be that way too.

dinner for one 

view from my temporary office 

in manila i am uso

second night in manila-I had dinner on my own in roma mia-in a mall called the podium- I have to say I was great company.

at the office, it was strange setting up a desk which wasn’t my own, so used am I to my own desk at the cherry bowl. I guess such a shift of perspective really helps you appreciate what you have. I love my office and I realize now how proud I am of myself and amna. I can see tall buildings from my office window, & when I walk out, right opposite one entrance is my hotel, and opposite the other entrance is ortigas avenue, which has all the office buildings, lots of cafes, ristorantes & bakeries. What is interesting is they have lunch at 11 30, and dinner at 6 or 6 30.

tomorrow I will venture further & explore some more areas. I have been invited to a Filipino church wedding on Saturday for which I have no clothes, and on Friday a colleague here is taking me shopping. Sunday I will head for the biggest mall strip here called green belt- yayyy.

i was told by one colleague that my dressing style was very "uso" which means its in-

i am uso.(pronounced oooso)